I was at the gym with some of my girlfriends. We were having a great time, working out, sweating and laughing. The conversation turned to one of my recent Instagram posts.
My younger sister Tiffany had put on some old 90’s prom dresses we found and started dancing around like a dainty ballerina. SIde note: if you're not following me on Instagram, you should! But only if you have a sense of humor because we do some funny stuff; @TheBrandiClark.
Anyway, so I posted this picture of my sister and it was hilarious! My friend mentions that her husband, once he saw the post, said “Those girls just have good genes.” A nice compliment geared toward “those girls: meaning my sisters and I.
But, for whatever reason I immediately thinks he is talking about the other sisters, and not me.
You see, I have always been heavy. My sisters, all tall, skinny blondes, and I am the thicker brunette...even if its only in my mind...the thicker part..I really am a brunette! haha
Immediately I revert back to that little fat girl and start pointing out how I am the ‘fat sister”. And my friend Amy looks at me and she goes, “What do you mean?”
And so it started a discussion about how I was always overweight growing up. I was always heavier and could never fit into the same clothes.
But it didn't dawn on me until after I left the gym that what I did was point out one of my own insecurities as a defense mechanism. After some deep reflection I came to the conclusion that I did this because I was feeling insecure. I reverted back to the 10 year old fat girl who was being teased by the neighborhood kids. I wanted them to know that I was aware that I was the fat sister (just in case that was what they were thinking). It was one of those “if we're laughing together, you're not laughing at me” type situations.
Maybe you have done something similar with a pimple on your face or a stain on your shirt? We point out these "things" that we are hyper aware of, thinking that everyone is also aware of them. We want everyone to know that we know....just in case thats what they are thinking. In reality, nobody is thinking or even noticing that pimple, the stain or thinking that I am the fat sister.
Comment below and tell me this is something that you do also? I am curious as to why we do this and how we can help each other kind of break this habit of self sabotage and self destruction.